10 Disturbing Divorces

1.  Australia and Ashes
2. Nitish Kumar and Sushil Modi in Bihar – will it affect Nitish’s next comeback chances?
3. Ms. Zeta Jones and Mr. Douglas – much as I feel that his dentures must have been artificial even in his youth – I really did like the pair
4.  Rupee and stability – sensex and its bullish rises – Manmohan ex-RBI Governor-Singh and his financial acumen...really, where are we headed with these nosedives? India’s nose has dived in global circuits – naak kata di yaar..
5. Safety and Mumbai – Shame!
6. Akshay Akki Kumar and the ‘100 crore club 2013’ – Mumbai hated happening dobaara...
7.  Communal harmony and Uttar Pradesh
8. The tuberculosis bacteria and the ease of its annihilation – a difficult-to-treat strain has reared its ugly head
9. Anna Hazare and demands for jan-lokpal?? Why is the grand old man silent??
10. Deepti, from her blogging L (A re-marriage is being arranged..all are invited)

Ten Insects!!

1.      Praying (Preying) Mantis - Asaram 'Bapu' :D

2.      Bee - Nitish Kumar, busily handling the mess Lalu left behind

3.      Dragon fly - L K Advani for hovering over the PM's chair for far too long!

4.      Ant – The disciplined Manohar Parriker

5.      The pupa of an unidentified insect - Rahul Gandhi

6.      Wasp – Arvind Kejriwal for his ‘stings’

7.      Mosquito – many contenders but Diggy Singh & Ajit Pawar win for making the most atrocious buzzes of late

8.      Jewel Bug - The beautiful Priyanka Gandhi

9.      Spider – Srinivasan, for weaving a fine web over BCCI

10.  Cockroach – Lalu Yadav takes the cake – seemingly indestructible, he awaits a comeback in Bihar; and spreading political dirt is his forte

No offense meant by the above post - a light-hearted attempt to check if Class Insecta Biodiversity could match India's colorful political scene. Entry nos. 1, 8 & 9 are not politicians in the true sense, but really, they appear political enough :D

10 more interesting quips

1. Today I found hair sticking to the bottle of my anti-hair fall shampoo.
2. I fought with my husband because he wasn't spending enough time with me.
3. One man's shoe is another man's shoe-bite.
4. Religion and Science have one thing in common - Classification.
5. An autobiography is longer than the same fellow's biography.
6. A pair of lesbians use the WC without worrying about hygiene.
7. A braggart is called a faker in both English and Hindi.
8. "Don't show off your modesty."
9. I'd give the last drop of my ink to write like Agatha Christie.
10. In Scrabble, it P(3)A(1)Y(4)S(1).

10 Original Quips

1.Some dopers are heroine-worshippers

2.People who talk too much may suffer from foot in the mouth disease

3.For many, America is the better half of the world

4.A pimp is one employer who prefers a fresher

5.Height of materialism – letting a goods train pass before a waiting passenger train

6.The greatness of a war is measured by the thickness of the book it inspires

7.The cuckoo is nature’s way of teaching us not to trust sweet-talkers

8.A bad actor spoils his character

9.A condom is an anti-evolution invention

10.A Blackhole is the most selfish thing in the universe.

10 things I felt sorry for

1.Audience of Ram Gopal Verma’s latest bilges…er, flicks

2.Tom, of Tom and Jerry fame

3.Jimmy Shergill – need I specify why?

4.NDA – No Dame Allowed to win in our sms-polled TV musical competitions (point to be noted - those competitions that included adult competititors only :D)

5.The crime cases and criminals that the media tries in studios, before the same get to courts of law – thank goodness we don’t have juries anymore

6.Dravid, Ganguly, Tendulkar – ‘Colonel’ Vengsarkar made them look like the proverbial dormice with his warning of ‘Perform or Perish’ to them

7.Wonder if you have heard this one – no flood reports are sent from Bihar to the Central Government in the month of October, because the British made this rule deeming it impossible for floods to occur in October, and we are sticking to this rule even after 60 years of Independence…talk of loyalty…this one takes the cake

8.(Yel)low journalism – here I am divided equally between pity and rage

9.My teeth, after I have finished a diet of candy floss, chocolates and coke…on second thoughts it’s my teeth and my on-the-rise weight after I have finished a diet of…..

10.Delhites sharing the same street with the Blue Line Buses

10 things that impressed me

1.The Australians attacked, in the press conference and on the cricket ground - I hate them, nonetheless for routing Dhoni's men

2.A lower court in Patna sentenced 7 killers of an IAS officer - of the 36 accuseds, 29 commoners were acquited, while 6 high-profile politicians were found guilty

3.Shahrukh got 6-pack abs at 40-plus - never mind that he was paid to do so

4.Science – it is the gold standard by which to judge a phenomenon, an action, a religion or a philosophy

5.An express train running between Patna and Darbhanga lowered itself to the status of a slow passenger train in the flood-ravaged stretch between Samastipur and Darbhanga, for the benefit of the flood victims forced into living on the trackside - men, women and children got onto the train top with their burden of feed for their cattle and got down wherever they wanted. The passengers sitting inside the train gave up their natural propensity to fuss and understood and sympathized, notwithstanding their own discomfort and delay

6.Konkona Sen Sharma played the role of a young mother in 'Mr. & Mrs. Iyer' and that of a young small town girl in 'Laga Chunari...' - in one she looked 5 years elder to her age, in the other, 5 years younger

7.We are world champs in Chess, under-14 Rugby, Billiards and T20 cricket, Asian champs in Hockey and Nehru Cup winners in Football

8.Salman refused to have his wax statue put up in Madame Tussaud’s – impressive ego indeed

9.Bacteria – One bacterial population can teach as much to a Life sciences student as to a wannabe Sociologist (more on this later)

10.My 5-year-old cousin – he knows if he ‘downloads’ ‘chess’ from the ‘internet’ he may chance to cause a ‘virus’ to enter his ‘laptop’.

10 things I laughed about

1.As we were flooded in by rainwater, the dirty water polluted our ground floor water tank – for 1 day we had no water to drink but had internet and telephone

2.Mumbai bhais danced to the tune of the police siren in the song ‘Aey Ganpat’ from the movie ‘Shootout in Lokhandwala’

3.The Pakistani captain apologized to all Muslims over the world for losing the T20 cricket world cup finals

4.‘Eklavya’ was sent to the Oscars from India – this was as good a one as Saif getting the National Award for Best Male Actor in ‘Hum Tum’ or ‘Jeans’ being sent to the Oscars in 1995(?)

5.A Star News Channel newsreader, while wondering about the identity of M. S. Dhoni’s unknown friend, mused thus while on air – “Kaun hain ye ladki? Kya ye unki behen hain, maaf kijiyega, unki dost hain?”

6.It was announced most solemnly by a TV news reporter on 1st October, 2007 that the police suspect black magic to be behind a murder

7.Star News (again?!) aired an item on the men is Sushmita Sen’s life on 1st October, 2007; excerpts of a conversation (not the exact words, mind you) between Sen’s father and the presiding magistrate way back when the lady adopted Renee –
Judge – How can a good man now approach your daughter?
Mr. Sen – I am assured now that only a good man shall approach her.

Going by this, and the Star News report that Sush has had 7 boy friends, humanity has 7 good reasons to be proud

8.‘Rang De Basanti’ was aired on 2nd October, 2007 on Star Gold

9.Bheja Fry – watched it finally. (Others are welcome to laugh about my out-datedness… :-D)

10.Heart is one organ that does not suffer from tumour – Devdas would join me in laughing at this one

10 things I laughed about

1.As we were flooded in by rainwater, the dirty water polluted our ground floor water tank – for 1 day we had no water to drink but had internet and telephone

2.Mumbai bhais danced to the tune of the police siren in the song ‘Aey Ganpat’ from the movie ‘Shootout in Lokhandwala’

3.The Pakistani captain apologized to all Muslims over the world for losing the T20 cricket world cup finals

4.‘Eklavya’ was sent to the Oscars from India – this was as good a one as Saif getting the National Award for Best Male Actor in ‘Hum Tum’ or ‘Jeans’ being sent to the Oscars in 1995(?)

5.A Star News Channel newsreader, while wondering about the identity of M. S. Dhoni’s unknown friend, mused thus while on air – “Kaun hain ye ladki? Kya ye unki behen hain, maaf kijiyega, unki dost hain?”

6.It was announced most solemnly by a TV news reporter on 1st October, 2007 that the police suspect black magic to be behind a murder

7.Star News (again?!) aired an item on the men is Sushmita Sen’s life on 1st October, 2007; excerpts of a conversation (not the exact words, mind you) between Sen’s father and the presiding magistrate way back when the lady adopted Renee –
Judge – How can a good man now approach your daughter?
Mr. Sen – I am assured now that only a good man shall approach her.

Going by this, and the Star News report that Sush has had 7 boy friends, humanity has 7 good reasons to be proud

8.‘Rang De Basanti’ was aired on 2nd October, 2007 on Star Gold

9.Bheja Fry – watched it finally. (Others are welcome to laugh about my out-datedness… :-D)

10.Heart is one organ that does not suffer from tumour – Devdas would join me in laughing at this one

10 reel life dialogues in real life

1.Mushy to Gen. Kiyani when the latter thanked him – “Dosti ka ek usul hai – no sorry no thank you”

2.Dawood to Indian Police – “Don ko pakadna mushkil hi nai namumkin hai.”

3.Manoj Kumar to Farah Khan – “Mind it!”

4.Karnataka Governor Rameshwar Thakur to BJP- JDS Chiefs regarding their bid to lord over the Bengaluru CM house – “Kitne aadmi the?”

5.Public to Kapil praaji when he shed tears on camera – “I hate tears.”

6.Speakers to arrant mike and chair throwing-MLAs in UP and Bihar Legislative Assemblies – “Khamosh!”

7.Rahul Dravid after giving up his captaincy and losing his form – “Main kaun hoon? Main kahan hoon?”

8.South Mega star Chiranjeevi to his daughter – “Tumhari shaadi us se nai ho sakti jis se tum prem karti ho.” Okay the second half of the dialogue is not necessary, but I love Utpal Dutt, Hrishikesh Mukherji and Golmaal way way too much to miss it here. So here it is – “Tumhari shaadi us se nai ho sakti jis se tum prem karti ho. Tumhari shaadi us se hogi jis se main prem karta hoon.”

9.Casting couch victims to Shakti Kapoor et al – “Mujhe Bhagwan ke liye chhod do.”

10.Late Madhumita Shukla to UP MLA Amarmani Tripathi – “Main tumhare bachhe ki maa ban ne wali hoon.”

The reader shall appreciate the fact that this is no ridiculing of the very serious cases and of the victims of points 9 and 10. There are no puns there, intended or unintended and a serious discussion about the same if wanted shall be provided. Thank You.

10 Bollywood clichés

1.Cars/bikes parked on the roadside conveniently have the ignition key in the right place for the hero to use

2.Horses are meant for 2 purposes only – a) to be headstrong and be tamed by the hero after threatening to overthrow the heroine b) to come home wounded, as a loyal messenger that danger/death has befallen the hero’s brethren

3.Heroines shall wear short dresses during the happy hours; come tragedy and salwar kameez becomes the dress code

4.Unsuitable girlfriends (whom the hero eventually discards for the heroine) always wish to become models/film actresses

5.Daughters undergo a surprisingly swift turn-around of emotions soon as their daddys’ villainy is established

6.Heroines are extraordinarily fertile – often merely one night stands lead to pregnancy

7.Even the poorest hero’s mom shall offer lovely leaf tea to the rich heroine’s dad in a proper china tea set

8.College Principals are invariably buffoons of the first or second order

9.Rape victims wear dresses with easily detachable sleeves

10.Successful suicides – hanging. Unsuccessful suicides – the kerosene-on-body-in-the-kitchen act and the breaking-wine-bottles-on-wrists act

10 roles we assign to God

1.God, the 'Sorry' reciver & transmitter

2.God, the Superman

3.God, the Scapegoat

4.God, the Santa Claus

5.God, the Ghost buster

6.God, the Humility-badge

7.God, the Bodyguard

8.God, the Plastic Surgeon

9.God, the Encyclopedia

10.God, the Socialist