This is irony at its starkest, although it hit me at a moment when cynicism and black sarcasm had no business around me.
In six days time, I am getting married. Today was the day of the first of the rituals - tilak 'chumaaoun' and 'lagan'. Typical Bihari customs, the essence of which is that elder married ladies give blessings of a propitious married life to the bride-to-be. The exact term in Hindi for the custom is 'suhaag dena' - donating some of the good luck of their happily married lives to the younger woman.
An aunt of mine is a widow, and she understandably abstained. What caused me to feign a sudden coughing attack to conceal a burst of inexplicable laughter was the fact that two of my other aunts came up for the auspicious rituals. One of them has been deserted by her husband, who has proceeded to marry a second time and the other has constantly been a sad victim of domestic violence at the hands of her spouse. That these two ladies be allowed to participate is understandable - senior ladies of my house are not that indecent as to publically insult them by preventing their participation. What takes the cake, I thought, is how their own conscience gave them the permission to carry on that act!
I concluded that they were certainly unaware of the significance of the custom, although, I do believe that avoiding the question why and saving face in public was a more plausible reason for their behaviour.
The observation insn't an original one - it happens everyday. But the nakedness of the act as it unfolded before my eyes made it more impactful for me.

Tale of two belts

Folks, this one occurred right within an hour ago to me today.

And I am laughing hard even as I am typing.

Everything began with me seeking a belt for my favourite pair of jeans. Anyone who's been on a belt-hunt in Patna will agree with me that it's no mean task. From the footpath peddlers to the Lee/Levi’s shop assistant – each failed to sell me a belt that was buyable. Too broad, too bright, too tawdry, too expensive…this ‘too’ refused to stay away.

Except today, when while walking down the aisle of a nice mall, I came across just the right thing!

“Can you show me one just like this, but for adults?”

The shopkeeper kept looking at me stupidly.

“Huh?”

“One, just like this one”, (here I took the thingummy in hand), “but for adults, not children.”

Mom came behind my back, ever alert to prevent me buying something that I didn’t really need, as I am wont to do.

“What is all this, what do you need a belt for?”

“Mom, for my denims, what else do people need belts for!”

Before she could say anything the shop assistant chimed animatedly.

“But Madam, this belt is for dogs.”

Liar Liar Pants on Fire!

Dr. (Mrs.) M., a Government Medical Officer gets posted in a small village A near the her city of residence B. On paper, she is staying right in that village A PHC (Public Health Center). In the eyes of the C.S.(Civil Surgeon) and D.M.(District Magistrate) of the district of village A, she is putting up in the modest town that calls itself the District Headquarter. For the M.O.I.C. (Medical Officer In-charge), she is there in the 'office' for half-a-day, twice-weekly. For truth's sake, she is living in her permanent residence, which is about two hours of motorable distance from her place of posting, in city B.

Within a few days of getting this posting, Dr. M. decides to buy a car. To buy a car from a showroom of city B, she has to apply for a loan from a national bank that has branches in that same city. Since banks do not give loans so easily, they deem it necessary to come and check out the donee's well-off-ness. Especially, since Dr. M. being joint-owner of a house in the said city is the guarantee of the loan. Hence, here are the harried instructions to yours truly - "When you answer the doorbell or the phone and someone asks for me, be very careful while answering. If it's the C.S. or D.M.'s office, then I am not living here. I am living there. If it's the Bankers, then I am not living there. I am living here."

Golmaal hai bhai sab golmaal hai?

Hear another one -A cousin of mine is fond of her little jokes. So much so, that if you get a much awaited phone call (say, a friend you happened to mention to her hadn't called you recently) and you get that call, it's likely to be her trying to pull off a prank. Or if you get a call from 'Kaun Banega Karorpati', think twice before you exult. Or if she tells you someone's coming tomorrow, that someone ain't likely to make an appearance in the next three months.You get the idea...

Now this dame gets herself a flight from Banglore to Calcutta in the morning, from where she has to board the connecting flight to our city in the evening. The flight timings are altered, because of which she has to board the airbus within 30 minutes of landing at Dumdum. Naturally, she gives us all a ring so that we can send the car to meet her flight at the right time. And, equally naturally, the conversation takes the following turn -

Cousin - Ma, my flight was re-scheduled. I am boarding the flight now. Come to pick me up in an hour.

Aunt - Hahaha...try another one.

Cousin - Ma! I am serious.

Aunt - Yeah, yeah. Bye beta. I understand you must be getting quite bored sitting alone at the airport.

Line disconnected.

My cousin franctically rings up my place.

Cousin - Didi, I am sitting in the connecting flight now - they re-scheduled the flight. Please tell Ma to send over the car.

Me - Heeheehee...who do you think you are talking to, darling. I know you.

Cousin - Di, please believe me. Can't you hear the pilot's instructions in the background?

Me - Oh yes, I can make out someone screeching his lungs out. Dumdum is an International airport honey. A busy one, too.

Cousin - Offo. Talk to this uncle who is sitting next to me. (Aside) - Uncle, please tell my cousin I am actually on board this flight.

Uncle - Hello? Yes, this girl is sitting next to me and we shall reach in an hour.

Me - Hahahaha. Good imitation, my love. You can't fool me any, though, am afraid.

Line Disconnected.

That day, my cousin came home by taxi, managing all the luggage with "uncle's" help, who remained very mystified and bemused throughout the journey.

And they say lies can help!